I just wanna feel okay again.

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I can definitely think of some things that might help with that today, and I’m going to take as best advantage of that as I possibly can.

In other news, despite the fact that I just seriously picked up the guitar over the past couple of months and have mainly been working on memorizing chord fingering and scale fingering and that sort of thing (you know, theory and technique and all that rather than diving into songs), I learned how to play my first song in less than a week. So far the hardest part of learning the guitar (for me) has been learning to strum properly, so I figured if I forced myself to learn to play along with something that would help. And it did!

I’ve had some emotional setbacks recently, but with the help of a few truly wonderful people that believe in me constantly and wholeheartedly, and the driving force of not letting myself wallow in sadness and instead using the way I felt to drive me to work to get better, I feel like I am back on my feet emotionally. (Wow, let’s talk about that run-on sentence there. That is a serious run-on sentence.)

And now my late-Saturday-morning/early-Saturday-afternoon ritual of coffee, breakfast, perusing auditions and browsing Tumblr continues!

a little bit of early Christmas cheer!

I never posted anything from last year’s Secret Government Eggo Project; I don’t remember why I didn’t.  I’m sure it had to do with  my many and varied insecurities; I just didn’t want to put myself out there last year.  Sometimes it’s just disheartening to be met with a resounding “meh”, you know what I mean?

This year, in the interests of Doing It Anyway (sort of my motto for the past few months), I’d love to share with you some of last year’s Secret Government Eggo Project II: Electric Boogaloo err…a (mostly) Disney Christmas!  We also did covers of “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” from Cinderella, “When Somebody Loved Me” from Toy Story 2, “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid, and Vienna Teng’s “The Last Snowfall.”  These three are my favorite performances; Maestro joins me on “I See The Light” as Eugene. :)

(Here’s a link to my Bandcamp site, where you’ll also find 2011’s Secret Government Eggo Project.  Hopefully before too long this year’s Secret Government Eggo Project III: THE RECKONING will also be up!)

I hope your holiday season has been joyous and not too stressful so far, my dear darlings!  If you get the chance to listen, please let me know what you think!

but somehow, I can see just exactly how I’d be.

Gosh you guys!  I have been TERRIBLE over the past few weeks, have I not?  I’m stealing a few minutes before bed tonight (well, when I should already be in bed, really) to update.

In short, here’s what I’ve been working on –

  • I ended up being called in for two more days of extra work on the same movie!  Again, not really supposed to talk about it, but it’s definitely an enjoyable day’s work.  I don’t know how much extra work I’ll end up doing, for lots of reasons.  Maybe that’ll be the subject of my next vlog?
  • I had my first rehearsal for the Christmas show at the House of the Seven Gables a couple of weeks ago – I’ll be playing Beth March this time!
  • I had…one other audition? I think?  That I ended up not getting.
  • Last week, we had a rehearsal for the singing competition and I had to bail early to go to class so I have no idea what everyone sounds like?
  • Speaking of which, the competition is this Saturday!!!
  • L & I are going to spend Saturday morning catching up on recording a bunch of stuff we’ve practiced but not performed
  • Maestro and I’s Secret Government Eggo Project (III: THE RECKONING) is well underway!

In non-performing-related-but-busyness-related news, I’ve also been attempting National Novel Writing Month, I started a new job!, and schoolwork has been piling up.  Part of the reason I decided to do NaNoWriMo this year is that I am often better at managing my time when I’m a little overbooked (because I have to be!).  Hopefully I’ll be able to do a vlog or monovlog again in the next week or so!

I also want to thank David-Matthew Barnes for stopping by my blog with some incredibly kind words.  I am still a little bit beside myself!

I can be whoever I want to be!

I was hoping to have some good news within the next few days, and it turns out…I do!

I actually did make it into the top ten for the singing competition!!

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I am so ridiculously thrilled, everyone!! :D  I can’t even really express!

Of course, this means I need to pick a new song – and I need to get working on it! The benefit is November 9th, so I have plenty of time.

I have a few other things in the works right now (some of which I really actually can’t talk about rather than just me being paranoid), but I needed to let everyone know about this – I’m so excited, I can’t believe it!!!!

vlog: exciting audition times!!

“…like a NERD.”

As before, I’m at both vimeo and youtube, whichever is more your viewing pleasure. :D

So, like I talked about in the video, I had an audition yesterday!

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audition prep 2013: day three!

[This is where the picture of my new monologue and scene books would go if I’d remembered to bring them in from my car]

Here’s where I apologize for not taking any pictures today!: Sorry! (Or not any applicable pictures; I guess I could post the one I took of my teacup.)

What I did do today (cough yesterday) was this:

  • sang A LOT; like a lot a lot
  • yoga!
  • had an extremely productive conversation with D about the direction my life is going
  • SO MANY IDEAS!
  • (it’s so nice everyone is so excited about this with me??)
  • used a gift card from last Christmas to purchase some monologue and scenework books

Not to mention the fact that I had a similarly productive conversation with B yesterday – everyone in my life has been very enthusiastic about my getting back into theatre and performing, which I can only think is a good thing!  It does seem (a little) like things have conspired to make me feel this way – that I need to go back to it in some form – and who am I to argue with the universe, I guess?

To make up for the short post and lack of picture today, here is a hilarious video of outtakes my darling L edited together today for a tiny little blog!  (I had never heard this song at all until about ten minutes before we started recording it, hence how TERRIBLE I am at both singing it and remembering the (many) lyrics.)  (Like, seriously, Taylor Swift.) You can find the “real” video here!

I could have been a famous singer, if I had someone else’s voice.

I feel that the title of this post is pretty self-explanatory (though it is also a song lyric).

Sunday night – and it was night, my maestro is quite nocturnal – PC and I began our Secret Government Eggo Project. I, of course, began with a sense of trepidaton bordering on full-blown panic. With my heart in my throat, fingers vibrating with fear, I asked him “why? Why? Why is this so scary?” (Sometimes I repeat things three times for no reason.)

“I can’t answer that for you,” he said, and took my hand. I clutched at him and he squeezed my hand just hard enough to hurt. And away we went.

(I didn’t hold his hand the entire time, though, he did have to conduct me. Which, strangely, helps.)

In any case, I didn’t wheedle my way out of it completely (I can be very convincing when I am afraid of doing something!) and we got a lot of good material despite it being past midnight when we finished. All in all, it was more exhausting than the four-hour shift I had at my show the night previous.

If I keep doing this, maybe it will be like driving – I start off petrified and panicky, but eventually it won’t be that big of a deal to me. Like driving, I’ll still be constantly vigilant (because if you do driving wrong you can, you know, die), but I will be more comfortable and less inclined to panicked crying. One can only hope.

He really is very patient with me, he’s somehow struck the balance between not letting me get away with anything and not wounding my delicate flower feelings. (Delicate floral feelings?) I’m enjoying it, so far – the work that he’s done is beautiful, as usual, and I enjoy working with him. I just hope I’m not ruining it completely with my voice. D:

hold on: one more time, with feeling.

So, uh, I guess I never did write how opening weekend went! Oops!

Opening weekend went really well! It was nice, the first weekend is shorter than subsequent weekends (7:30-9:30 as opposed to 7-11), so it was like easing in to what the rest of the month is going to be like. I do have to stock up on cough drops (I’m talking near-constantly for the entire time I’m there!) but other than that, I really like it! You can see everyone you’re talking to, which is different than being onstage – it’s basically people standing in a room with you. It can make it a little bit awkward when you’re looking out at people and some of them are wide-eyed and hanging on your every word and then others are whispering to the person next to them.

Or when you have a famous person in the audience, which happened Saturday night. I had been warned beforehand but still when I saw a face that was familiar from movies and television I sort of got a bit of a mental jolt. My character is supposed to be a bit flustered anyway, so hopefully that worked out all right! Unfortunately, the gentleman in question had to listen to my monologue twice because the person in the room after mine got backlogged and about half of his group got stuck. So: sorry, famous guy! Hopefully I was entertaining on the second go-round as well as the first.

That happened for three or four groups on Saturday night, actually, which is definitely the most awkward situation that I’ve had thus far (seeing half of the same group when I walk into my room again, looking awkward and trying to get up the secret staircase to the next room). Thankfully, the director had a talk with the person after me in the show and helped her find a way to streamline everything so that we don’t get backlog anymore. (Also, it’s more fun when the group doesn’t know there’s a secret staircase in the room!) Everything in the show is timed really, really carefully, so that when one person takes a minute longer than they should, there’s a ripple effect affecting the rooms that come prior to them and breaks the whole rhythm of the show. Sunday night, we definitely did not have that issue: we had a steady flow of people and zero backlog!


In other news, I haven’t had a singing lesson in SO LONG and I really need to have another one soon. Between getting sick, the wedding, and this show going up (and being exhausted all the time) I haven’t had a spare moment to email GG. Maybe next week! Hopefully next week.

In other other news, since we’ve both been sick and busy and also doing regular relationshippy stuff (shock! horror!), PC and I haven’t had the chance to start on our Secret Government Eggo Project yet. He mentioned the other night that he was going to start working on one of the first songs so hopefully soon!

it struck me that love is a sport, so I pushed you a little bit more.

I had my second rehearsal for my new show last Thursday night, which consisted of me and the director – I wasn’t as prepared as I might have (should have!) been, but I always work better when I have a bit of feedback and direction.

I actually do think that’s one of my strengths as an actress (and maybe as a person?), the fact that I take direction well. Sometimes I get a gentle nudge in one direction and end up overdoing it a little bit and have to be pulled back, but for the most part I like to think that I am fairly good at taking the advice and direction as it’s intended. So I intend to be super-prepared for my rehearsal on Tuesday, since I have enough of an idea of what she’s looking for now, so I can expand upon it. My accent isn’t coming along as easily as I’d like, but that’s something I need to develop more of an ear for so I’m grateful for the practice.

PC and I have also started work on a project – a Secret Government Eggo Project, if you will – I was just going to say “actually, that would be an awesome name for a band or album” but googling the quote shows me I was too late getting to that idea – whatever, I’m still going to call this the Secret Government Eggo Project for now – also I am lost inside all of these dashes – – – ??

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se tu m’ami, se tu sospiri.

I feel like it’s been a million years since my last voice lesson and frankly, I am thrilled beyond belief that I finally got back to them on Wednesday night! :D

I could definitely tell that I’d not been keeping on top of my vocal exercising and proper vocal technique because everything has felt strange, vocally, for the past week or so, and getting in to actually sing a proper Italian arietta and do proper vocal warm-ups really felt weird and like I had to force my voice out! However, because GG is awesome, she seems to always be able to find the thing that will “trick” my voice into doing things the right way – this time it was changing the consonant from an “F” to a “V” in my warm-ups. Somehow that made a HUGE difference as soon as I implemented it!

There was actually a lot of good that came out of that lesson but I can’t remember all of it – usually I take notes, but I relied on my new little voice recorder deal this time and it malfunctioned somehow so I didn’t get ANY of what I thought I recorded, which is funny because as soon as I turned the thing on I started to freeze up and freak out and I stopped being able to sing properly.

GG told me a story about how important it actually is to record and listen to our voices played back at us so that we can be objective about whether or not we’re performing our vocal technique properly. I mean, obviously you can often tell just by the way the sound feels in your head, but by listening to what your voice sounds like played back at you it’s sometimes easier to identify that something is off and then take the steps to correct it. It’s interesting, I’d never thought of it that way – mostly I saw listening to my own voice played back at me as the height of vanity, I’m not going to lie!

I’ve been recorded before (both just my voice and also videotaped) and only manage to watch or listen to those recordings about once through, stopping periodically to get up and run away (literally) because listening to myself gives me the heebie-jeebies. And then never again. I just can’t do it after forcing myself through it once. I remember PC telling me that one of the songs he and I recorded together was the #1 most-played track on his iPod/iTunes and I just sort of…shuddered. But I suppose I have to get over my revulsion if I’m ever going to improve?

In other news, rehearsals have still been going well. I have an audition on Sunday that I’m a little hesitant to talk about, and a couple other projects that I’m looking at beginning in the next couple of weeks, hopefully! :D /deliberately vague