and you don’t know what you don’t know.

Today in “Should I Submit For This Or Not”:

  • Someone looking for an ATTRACTIVE FEMALE (allcaps theirs). “If you do NOT match the criteria, you need not apply.” Errr, seeing as how that’s the only criteria they list…I’m gonna go with “no.”
  • A paid political commercial!…that I’m pretty sure is for a candidate I wouldn’t support! (but it’s paid!) (but my PRINCIPLES)
  • Why do I keep getting calls for 18-year-old characters? I am so much older than that.

In other news, I finally got my hair fixed, so I’ll be booking my headshot appointment soon. YAY FINALLY YOU’LL PROBABLY NOT HAVE TO HEAR ABOUT THIS UNTIL THE NEXT TIME I CHANGE MY HAIR

In other other news, I have an audition on Wednesday and I’ve been nursing a cold for far too long. I’m done being sick, world! At least I don’t have to sing for the audition.

In other other other news, I’m working on an aria in my singing lessons now for the first time in…uhhh years? And frankly, I couldn’t be happier with that. <3 I still think I should probably get back on recording videos to talk more about that but I haven’t figured out a good place to do that in my new abode – the light isn’t great. I should figure that out soon.

I hope you’re all having a lovely week and enjoying your October so far! <3

every cadenza delights, every cadence floats.

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So you know, other than the fact that I’m a ridiculous and sometimes embarrassing human being, that audition went well.

I have a feeling I won’t know how that went unless I get it, which is fine!  I think it went okay – the character had changed since I last auditioned, I got to find out what the actual project is, etc etc.

I got through my recorded audition and my Skype audition as well (my laptop does not have a webcam, but I do apparently have a Skype account if you were wondering!). It was my first Skype audition and only my second recorded audition, which – blehhhh, I really hate recorded auditions but that could be because

  • I hate watching my face
  • I hate monologues/not having anyone to read off of
  • I really don’t think I come across well on camera facewise (I FEEL LIKE THIS MAY BE A PROBLEM?)
  • Since I can watch it back over I start analyzing and overanalyzing and wondering “well wait a minute maybe I can’t actually act at all?”
  • related to that, if I’m not pleased with a recording I do it over and over until maybe it actually IS terrible but I can’t actually tell anymore?
  • also, my face.

Anyway.  (It’s amazing how quickly I can go from “wow look at me go! I’m doing things I’m afraid of even though I’m afraid!” to “wow I am a troll, why does anyone let me out of the house?”)

So this week, I have a singing lesson today and then an audition on Thursday.  It’ll be my first audition with any kind of singing in…quite some time, actually, so Maestro has been kind enough to help me run my two cuts of sixteen bars into the ground.  (The neighbors are confused, I’m sure.) Someday soon I should make a post (or gasp! a video!) about my new singing teacher and how much I am learning in and enjoying lessons nowadays!

Life’s pretty good here at Chez Acting Ingenue (well, Chez Muse and Maestro, unless this blog is my house?) and I can’t really ask for anything more.

Sending out love and encouragement and happiness to you all, since I seem to have an excess of it at the moment! ^^;;;

so, what happens now?

HELLO, THE INTERNET!!!!

Long time, no write (and I feel as though I start off so many of my posts like this), and for that I am sorry!  I hope you all have been keeping well while I waste a lot of my time on tumblr!

So, let’s see! A bunch of things have happened since I last wrote:

  • I finished up my fourth semester at school (fifth if you count summer classes last year)!
  • I’m trying to figure out where to go from here, education-wise, which might end up in another post.
  • I haven’t auditioned for anything, because I am lazy/scared/ashamed of how long it’s been since I’ve been out of the game (so to speak).
  • Two laptops died on me :( but I got a lovely new one!
  • I got new headshots done, but they were terrible, so now I’m back to using a arms-length selfie as a headshot. YIKES.
  • I moved out! because:
  • Maestro asked me to marry him! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (Link is to a gushy post on my personal tumblr, so if you’re into gushy personal posts: there it is!)

So I suppose I have been kind of busy, but it doesn’t mean that I’m letting myself off the hook. I actually have an audition tomorrow (what! yikes!), I’ve been taking singing lessons weekly for the past few months and I’ve yet to write about what a transformative experience it’s been to work with someone who cares about teaching me technique and theory and explaining the Why Is My Voice Doing This things I’ve always wondered about, Maestro and I have been working out a setlist (!!!) and he’s been teaching me guitar, and I have a couple more auditions coming up toward the end of the summer.

So there’s lots coming up here on The Acting Ingenue!  I do think my next trick will be to complete the “look” revamp of  my acting-related internet presence. I really ought to doodle something for a header on this blog (and maybe youtube and twitter and things like that).  Any ideas for that, dear readers?

audition prep 2013: day five! (and four!)

I’m going to confess, I took most of yesterday off from audition prepping.  I know what you’re thinking: SLACKER!  And you’re right. I spent most of yesterday cozied up watching The X-Files with Maestro.  Which was lovely, but doesn’t really help with preparing for auditions other than studying what Gillian Anderson can do with her face.

So today I thought to remedy that!  I’m sure I’ve mentioned here that I have singing anxiety (no, really?) and I feel as though I get most of my practicing done in the car where no-one can hear me.  I’ve actually made a bit of progress in that regard – I can practice at home as long as there’s no one else in the house!  Err, that might not sound like progress, but what if the neighbors hear me??

Today, not only did I practice while there were people in the house – I also recorded my practice!  I deleted it immediately after, but it was huge for me.  For one thing, it’s hard to hear how you actually sound when you’re inside your head, so that was helpful.  But also, I’ve been toying with the idea of doing some kind of vlog, and I thought getting used to the idea of being recorded while I sing (or whatever) would be a good idea.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of video-recording it, which is why I ended up deleting it immediately afterwards, and now I’m angsting about my appearance.  Perhaaaaps I ought to have forgone that until after my audition on Monday, because now I’m all too aware of how I look while I sing and what I look like on camera (aka what I look like to other people) and I’m…not happy about it, to say the least. :\

I’ve been trying to be better about not indulging my insecurities lately – I’ve wondered if part of the reason I’ve become so insecure is because I’ve been indulging it at every opportunity, voicing it and and not even really trying to fight against it.  But today all I want to do is whine about how I’m not at all pretty from most angles and I have a terrible nose and no jawline and why am I even bothering I’m nowhere near pretty or thin enough to make it in any capacity wah wah wah wah WAHHH.

So even though I just indulged my insecurities, to try and counteract that, I’m going to also mention that I sounded pretty great singing “In My Own Little Corner.”  I feel as though I’m getting a ton more control over my voice.  It used to be that I would sound exactly how I wished sometimes and then other times I would sound like a rusty hinge and I wouldn’t even know why – I had no real technique or control over my voice.  Nowadays, I feel as though I’m getting a lot more, my vibrato isn’t as wide, and in general my musicality has gotten better.

So there’s the silver lining!  Maybe if I get over myself I’ll actually post some kind of audio or video later. Maybe.

thank you for the music; the songs I’m singing.

Maybe more than anything else, this was the gift I got this year on my anniversary:

“I want to get you to the point that you’re singing. Everything, all the time…and not worrying about it.”

“…why?”

“Because that’s who you are.”

Without sounding too melodramatic (oh, who am I kidding), it changed how I’ve been thinking about myself lately. Because that’s who you are. Such a simple thing; a simple thing to say and a simple thing to mean.  And he was right. I think that’s the part that really hit me. That is who I am.  How did I get to this point, this wall that I’ve come up against again and again?  How did I get to the point I’ve been at for years and years – how did it become fear that ruled over that impulse?  Somehow, just hearing that put all my fears into an odd sort of perspective.

More than the keyboard and the singing lessons, hearing that from his mouth was the most important gift, most important push towards what he wants for me.  And more importantly, what I’ve wanted for myself.

I’m going to be the person that I’m meant to be.

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I’ll make this painless, I’ll try to be sweet.

So, I’ve been slacking, haven’t I? Gosh! No posts in all of February!

To be honest, I haven’t been doing much to write about. There’s the additional fact that I used to draft my posts on my lunch break at work, and now my work blocks WordPress (??) so although I do finally have something to write about, I haven’t had as much of an opportunity.

My two best friends and I started on a new project that we’ve dubbed Get It Together Anonymous, or GITA. All three of us have long-term goals that we range from somewhat-to-ridiculously overwhelmed just thinking about, so my darling D came up with the brilliant idea that we would be Accountability Partners.

Basically, we’re getting together once a month to start breaking down our long-term goals into tiny manageable steps. Doing this together creates accountability – and it has the added benefit of being a built-in sounding board. You know how it’s always so much easier to see other people’s problems clearly? Well, now I have TWO people looking at my problems and helping me see them more clearly on a regular basis.

I think an excellent way to help keep myself on track will be to update this blog on a regular basis again, so here’s a breakdown of my goals.

My long-term goal is to get more paid acting work, though one of my other long-term goals is refining and redefining my long-term goal. The upshot of every iteration of my long-term goal is to start getting paid acting work, though.

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it’s been such a long time. I think I should be going.

I am sorry for the silence lately, everyone!

I’m sort of re-evaluating things in light of the new year – resolutions, the direction I expect my life to be taking at this point. You know, all the usual new-year stuff. A lot of it is fairly personal, so I don’t have much to write about at the moment.

But even before the new year, I didn’t write much in the past couple of months. In truth, there was not an awful lot to write about with regards to acting, since I didn’t audition for anything while I was working my Halloween and Christmas jobs (and I’d sort of exhausted that topic already). I haven’t been to a singing lesson in months, and what I did write about was the Secret Government Eggo Project – which seems to have gotten a good reception, at least by friends and family. :)

Hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll be able to write more clearly about what my goals for the year are. (I honestly don’t remember what my “New Year’s Resolutions” were other than the fact that I wasn’t allowed to give up singing for one of them and I wasn’t allowed to lose thirty pounds for the other.) As of right now, I’m just looking for things to audition for and wondering about how I’m going to pay for my singing lessons if I do take them back up again. Any further into the future just gets a little fuzzy and hard to focus on for too long.

Hopefully soon, though…!

when the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.

I have been deep, deep into self-loathing mode for the past couple of weeks, at least as far as singing (and acting, and Oh God What Am I Doing With My Life Someone Please Just Throw Me Off A Cliff So I Don’t Need To Make Decisions) goes. Which is why I haven’t been updating, despite the fact that yet more progress has been made on the Secret Government Eggo Project and the Christmas show goes up this weekend.

I figured no-one would want to hear about how yet another session went by where I started off with the highest of hopes but then plummeted back down into the valley of self-loathing and decided to call off the project entirely, only to have a fight with PC and decide not to abandon it after all. I figured no-one would want to hear yet again about how I loathe the sound of my own singing voice. And I’m probably right, so that’s the last of it (FOR NOW, she intoned ominously).

So! Progress actually HAS been made on the SGEP, and this week we’re looking to work almost every day to get my contributions (such as they are) all wrapped up. And then the magic of trying to make it sound good starts, a task that I do not envy. (Hahaha I lied about being done with the self-loathing.)

This weekend is the first weekend of the Christmas show – yay! We have dress rehearsal on Thursday and then the show starts again! I am looking forward to it, while also trying to keep an ear to the ground for anything that might be coming up soon. I am enjoying this – I mean, come on, I’m getting paid to play a teenaged Amy March at this point and sit around a beautiful historical house for a couple of hours in costume – but I look forward to getting to audition for things again, as well.

Oh, and someone contacted me about – essentially – doing photoshoots for a graphic novel, which might be interesting! I have to do a little bit of research and then also dig up my high-quality headshots to send along (as an “audition”). Note to self: remember to do that tonight. That might be fun, if I did get it!

Tonight, though, PC and I get down to business to defeat the huns to finish up the SGEP. I will stay positive! I will, I will!

shut your eyes and sing to me.

809334th verse, same as the first.

I probably don’t need to regale you all yet again with the tales of my low self-esteem and various Issues with my singing voice, but I’m going to force myself to do it anyway because maybe addressing some of these issues will help me sort them out.

…aaaand of course after I write that I immediately distract myself with something else. Good job there.

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