I’m going to confess, I took most of yesterday off from audition prepping. I know what you’re thinking: SLACKER! And you’re right. I spent most of yesterday cozied up watching The X-Files with Maestro. Which was lovely, but doesn’t really help with preparing for auditions other than studying what Gillian Anderson can do with her face.
So today I thought to remedy that! I’m sure I’ve mentioned here that I have singing anxiety (no, really?) and I feel as though I get most of my practicing done in the car where no-one can hear me. I’ve actually made a bit of progress in that regard – I can practice at home as long as there’s no one else in the house! Err, that might not sound like progress, but what if the neighbors hear me??
Today, not only did I practice while there were people in the house – I also recorded my practice! I deleted it immediately after, but it was huge for me. For one thing, it’s hard to hear how you actually sound when you’re inside your head, so that was helpful. But also, I’ve been toying with the idea of doing some kind of vlog, and I thought getting used to the idea of being recorded while I sing (or whatever) would be a good idea.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of video-recording it, which is why I ended up deleting it immediately afterwards, and now I’m angsting about my appearance. Perhaaaaps I ought to have forgone that until after my audition on Monday, because now I’m all too aware of how I look while I sing and what I look like on camera (aka what I look like to other people) and I’m…not happy about it, to say the least. :\
I’ve been trying to be better about not indulging my insecurities lately – I’ve wondered if part of the reason I’ve become so insecure is because I’ve been indulging it at every opportunity, voicing it and and not even really trying to fight against it. But today all I want to do is whine about how I’m not at all pretty from most angles and I have a terrible nose and no jawline and why am I even bothering I’m nowhere near pretty or thin enough to make it in any capacity wah wah wah wah WAHHH.
So even though I just indulged my insecurities, to try and counteract that, I’m going to also mention that I sounded pretty great singing “In My Own Little Corner.” I feel as though I’m getting a ton more control over my voice. It used to be that I would sound exactly how I wished sometimes and then other times I would sound like a rusty hinge and I wouldn’t even know why – I had no real technique or control over my voice. Nowadays, I feel as though I’m getting a lot more, my vibrato isn’t as wide, and in general my musicality has gotten better.
So there’s the silver lining! Maybe if I get over myself I’ll actually post some kind of audio or video later. Maybe.