getting so much better all the time.

Eh.

Well, I put off updating for a bit because I actually had a (I thought) quite successful audition a little over a week ago, and was hoping to hear back from them. It doesn’t look likely, though – and may I add that I just hate that trend? Maybe that’s been the case all along for auditions, but nowadays that seems to happen for “regular” job interviews, as well.  I understand that it’s uncomfortable and time consuming, but even a form letter would be nice.

I dream of a day one would get some kind of constructive criticism or feedback from every job interview or audition, but I realize that’s a pipe dream.

Anyway. I never heard back from them, which bummed me out. And it’s still kind of bumming me out!  I will not lie to you! I thought I was a pretty good fit for what they wanted, but someone else must have been better.

One of the things that’s dawned on me lately is the futility of angsting over anything that I can’t change or do anything about. I can’t change my bone structure or my height. I can’t control how other people feel about me or perceive me. I can’t control whether I get a gig or not. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t start taking singing lessons until I was past twenty; I can’t change the fact that my first voice teacher wasn’t really teaching me so much as giving me an opportunity to sing. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t study music earlier in my life. Instead, what I have endeavored to do is:

  • Go for a run or do some yoga. I can change how active I am and how comfortable I am in my body.
  • Study the music theory that Maestro has given me, or practice the guitar. I can progress from where I am now, even though I can’t go back in time.
  • Look for new opportunities and submit for them. I can optimize the time I have now.
  • Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice. Breathing, singing. I can’t go back in time to convince twelve-year-old-me that a beautiful singing voice is something you have to work at, not something you’re just gifted with, but I can improve now.

It’s made an enormous impact on my day to day life, not just in my creative endeavors but in how I conduct myself in lots of other ways.  I know that this is probably not something I will be able to do every day of my life – I’m way too neurotic and angsty not to have these issues crop up again – but it’s something that I am working on doing.

And as with everything else that I’ve been practicing lately, I am getting better.

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audition prep 2013: day three!

[This is where the picture of my new monologue and scene books would go if I’d remembered to bring them in from my car]

Here’s where I apologize for not taking any pictures today!: Sorry! (Or not any applicable pictures; I guess I could post the one I took of my teacup.)

What I did do today (cough yesterday) was this:

  • sang A LOT; like a lot a lot
  • yoga!
  • had an extremely productive conversation with D about the direction my life is going
  • SO MANY IDEAS!
  • (it’s so nice everyone is so excited about this with me??)
  • used a gift card from last Christmas to purchase some monologue and scenework books

Not to mention the fact that I had a similarly productive conversation with B yesterday – everyone in my life has been very enthusiastic about my getting back into theatre and performing, which I can only think is a good thing!  It does seem (a little) like things have conspired to make me feel this way – that I need to go back to it in some form – and who am I to argue with the universe, I guess?

To make up for the short post and lack of picture today, here is a hilarious video of outtakes my darling L edited together today for a tiny little blog!  (I had never heard this song at all until about ten minutes before we started recording it, hence how TERRIBLE I am at both singing it and remembering the (many) lyrics.)  (Like, seriously, Taylor Swift.) You can find the “real” video here!

it’s been such a long time. I think I should be going.

I am sorry for the silence lately, everyone!

I’m sort of re-evaluating things in light of the new year – resolutions, the direction I expect my life to be taking at this point. You know, all the usual new-year stuff. A lot of it is fairly personal, so I don’t have much to write about at the moment.

But even before the new year, I didn’t write much in the past couple of months. In truth, there was not an awful lot to write about with regards to acting, since I didn’t audition for anything while I was working my Halloween and Christmas jobs (and I’d sort of exhausted that topic already). I haven’t been to a singing lesson in months, and what I did write about was the Secret Government Eggo Project – which seems to have gotten a good reception, at least by friends and family. :)

Hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll be able to write more clearly about what my goals for the year are. (I honestly don’t remember what my “New Year’s Resolutions” were other than the fact that I wasn’t allowed to give up singing for one of them and I wasn’t allowed to lose thirty pounds for the other.) As of right now, I’m just looking for things to audition for and wondering about how I’m going to pay for my singing lessons if I do take them back up again. Any further into the future just gets a little fuzzy and hard to focus on for too long.

Hopefully soon, though…!

stranded at the drive-in. branded a fool.

So here is where I remind myself yet again that I sometimes actually have reasons for doing the things that I do and not all the things I do are bad or unhelpful. Sometimes I actually do things to protect myself and that’s good!

I heard about Grease casting last night, and…I was offered the role of Frenchy.

Now, I said a couple posts back that I would have liked to have been called back for Frenchy – which is true! it’s a great part! I just wasn’t expecting it (since I wasn’t called back for it, and I didn’t read for it at all) and now I’m trying to figure out if I want to do it or not.

I know a good deal of how I’m feeling right now (disappointed, confused) is that I got my heart set on playing Sandy, and that I kept telling people I’d been called back for Sandy. And here is where I finally make my decision:

It’s okay not to talk about what show or what part I’m auditioning for before I know the outcome.

At least, with people in real life. I don’t mind posting about it on the blog because I suppose this is yet another blog that I sort of use as therapy. But not talking to people in real life about what part or show I’m auditioning for, well, it saves a lot of embarrassment down the road. It might make me superstitious or whatnot, but at this point I’m not that worried about it.

Anyway! So, I’m not sure if I’m planning on doing the show or not at this point (rehearsals don’t start up for a while? not this weekend but next weekend), but at least I’ve learned that much about myself.

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood.

Have I ever mentioned how glad I am for the invention of the GPS? Because I am seriously glad. I would never be able to get anywhere without it, since I am Miss No-Sense-of-Direction.

Yesterday I had another meeting at a casting agency, and here are my notes from when I was sitting in the waiting room:

I don’t know if this is reassuring or not, but:
a) there aren’t 100 other people here (just one other guy!)
b) this place is nowhere near as flashy/glam as JRP
c) there are a lot of pictures of a dude in a cowboy hat on the walls.

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it’s a dangerous kind of sport, and yet it’s fun.

Yesterday I worked on
Both of my recital pieces!

Yesterday was focused on performing. And also remembering my lyrics.

(e le care tue manine
lieta poi saprò baciar)

All in all, the lesson went fairly well, especially considering how badly the last couple have gone. I don’t know why I have this mental block when it comes to Acting While I Sing but I definitely do, especially when it comes to singing operatically.

“You didn’t have a problem with the Jewel Song.”

“…well, no, once I had an audience in front of me I was fine.” Apparently she doesn’t remember the agonizing lessons before the recital where she would try to get me to emote while I sang (“it’s ‘comment n’être pas coquette?’ not ‘I’m just going to stand here and stare at you while I sing'”), shrinking further and further inside myself. It’s so awkward to act when a person is watching you, just one person, just a few people judging you. It’s different than acting for an audience, somehow.

It ties into the whole “I need this to be perfect” idea: techincal perfection is what I strive for (and don’t ever even get near). My mind is so occupied, so obsessed with Doing It Right that I have no room for anything else.

And then again: I completely surprised myself during my performance of the Jewel Song at that recital by being able to emote – I felt light and effervescent and it was as though I was watching from somewhere outside myself, thinking “where did that come from?”

(e le care tue manine
lieta poi saprò baciar)

I’m glad that I had at least one good lesson leading up to the recital. I feel slightly better about my life and my choices now.



In other news, PC and I are embarking upon a new project where I get to lie across a piano in a pretty dress and get paid for it. Actually, that was how I proposed the idea to him. L and I are also revisiting the idea of our as-yet imaginary band and actually writing a couple of original songs (scary!). My life is alive with the sound of music!


text-message theatre
j: Maybe if you work in a piano bar I can lie across your piano in a slinky dress and get paid for that.
pc: We could totally do that! You could do it as a side/weekend gig! I’m totally serious, too, I would be proud to be your accompaniment!
j: wait what, I just want to lie across the piano. I have to sing too?! :P
pc: I don’t think singers lay across pianos anymore…they realized all those sequins scuff up the finish. …and yes, you would have to sing.

pray, tell him I am weeping too.

good to remember!

Today I worked on
Once Upon a Dream
A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, from Disney’s Cinderella
The Willow Song, The Ballad of Baby Doe
V’adoro, Pupille

I also brought along “Part of Your World,” from The Little Mermaid, but MP played through a couple of pages and said, “no, this is too low for you.” She amended that it was partially that and partially that I don’t have a strong pop or musical theatre belt. Okay, I don’t have any belt at all, period.

Basically what it comes down to is this: I have a voice (such as it is) that is good (for certain values of good) for only a certain few things. Old-school Disney Princess music happens to fall in that very narrow niche, while the newer-school Disney Princess stuff is tougher because I find it difficult to let go and belt.

We also worked on “V’adoro, Pupille” again, one of my favorites. Except I forgot to work on my ornamentation, haha. Oops. She sang through “The Willow Song” with me, as I wasn’t as familiar with that one, and I think I’m actually going to like singing that one, it’s just gorgeous.


Since I got my headshots today, and with them some samples up on Facebook where my dear friend and photographer mentioned what I’m going to be auditioning for, I guess the cat is out of the bag. I’m going down to Florida to audition to work in Disney World. (Augh, I feel queasy even admitting that on this blog! It just goes to show how deeply-held my superstitions are, I guess.) (I guess looking at my musical choices for the past few weeks makes this one super obvious, though.) I’m not super optimistic, considering how incredibly competitive it must be, but everyone I’ve talked to about it seems to think it would be a perfect fit. I do have the right personality, at least!

And I leave you with some food for thought: Part 1Part 2
Literally the sweetest thing I have ever seen.