The Maltese Walter

Please enjoy the Boston Play Cafe’s newest episode: a reading of a ten minute noir parody, The Maltese Walter!

I was going to write a commentary, but instead (in the spirit of being brave and not apologizing for myself, which if I make resolutions should probably be one of them!) I will leave it here (and post my commentary later on, since it relates to other posts I’ve talked about writing). I will mention that they pronounce my middle name incorrectly, hee!

Happy New Year to you all, dear readers and watchers and listeners! I hope to interact more with all of you in the coming year while we all support each other on our journeys. I hope the coming year treats you with kindness, and you treat yourselves with compassion. I hope your year is full of all the people and things that you love, and I hope the world is kinder. Thank you all for every good thought and kind word you’ve sent my way over the years; I am forever and always humbled by the kindness shown me, and I hope to continue to try to pay it back. <3 A bright new year to you all!

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I just wanna feel okay again.

9.27.2014horoscope

I can definitely think of some things that might help with that today, and I’m going to take as best advantage of that as I possibly can.

In other news, despite the fact that I just seriously picked up the guitar over the past couple of months and have mainly been working on memorizing chord fingering and scale fingering and that sort of thing (you know, theory and technique and all that rather than diving into songs), I learned how to play my first song in less than a week. So far the hardest part of learning the guitar (for me) has been learning to strum properly, so I figured if I forced myself to learn to play along with something that would help. And it did!

I’ve had some emotional setbacks recently, but with the help of a few truly wonderful people that believe in me constantly and wholeheartedly, and the driving force of not letting myself wallow in sadness and instead using the way I felt to drive me to work to get better, I feel like I am back on my feet emotionally. (Wow, let’s talk about that run-on sentence there. That is a serious run-on sentence.)

And now my late-Saturday-morning/early-Saturday-afternoon ritual of coffee, breakfast, perusing auditions and browsing Tumblr continues!

will wonders never cease?

Okay, so! I spoke too soon! Posted too soon!  You know what I mean!

I did actually get called back for the thing that I thought I hadn’t gotten called back for! (…I’m an actress, not an English teacher, what do you want from me? Correct sentence structure?)  I just found out earlier today, so: YAY!!!

It’s actually going to be kind of a busy week or so for me –

  • The callback for that (on Friday)
  • Video audition (to record & send out this week)
  • Skype audition (have to schedule, but probably this week) (…do I even have Skype? does this laptop have a webcam???)
  • Another fairly big audition (next week; singing involved, ahh!)

I feel like there’s something else I’m forgetting but I’m forgetting it so clearly I don’t remember.

It’s nice to feel motivated and as though my motivation is actually gaining momentum.  Not that I expect anything out of these auditions (I never expect anything, let’s be real), but it doesn’t feel completely hopeless.

I guess Maestro was right: “you need to not care so much.”  Not in that I shouldn’t have passion, not that I shouldn’t be invested. Obviously I should feel those things, but caring about things like – am I too fat to audition for this, shouldn’t I have a proper headshot and a real haircut, I’m not a ~sexy~ girl I can’t audition for that, I can’t sing I shouldn’t audition for these things. And on and on and on.

Maybe all those things are true. Who cares? Let them decide. I can’t make up their minds for them.

getting so much better all the time.

Eh.

Well, I put off updating for a bit because I actually had a (I thought) quite successful audition a little over a week ago, and was hoping to hear back from them. It doesn’t look likely, though – and may I add that I just hate that trend? Maybe that’s been the case all along for auditions, but nowadays that seems to happen for “regular” job interviews, as well.  I understand that it’s uncomfortable and time consuming, but even a form letter would be nice.

I dream of a day one would get some kind of constructive criticism or feedback from every job interview or audition, but I realize that’s a pipe dream.

Anyway. I never heard back from them, which bummed me out. And it’s still kind of bumming me out!  I will not lie to you! I thought I was a pretty good fit for what they wanted, but someone else must have been better.

One of the things that’s dawned on me lately is the futility of angsting over anything that I can’t change or do anything about. I can’t change my bone structure or my height. I can’t control how other people feel about me or perceive me. I can’t control whether I get a gig or not. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t start taking singing lessons until I was past twenty; I can’t change the fact that my first voice teacher wasn’t really teaching me so much as giving me an opportunity to sing. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t study music earlier in my life. Instead, what I have endeavored to do is:

  • Go for a run or do some yoga. I can change how active I am and how comfortable I am in my body.
  • Study the music theory that Maestro has given me, or practice the guitar. I can progress from where I am now, even though I can’t go back in time.
  • Look for new opportunities and submit for them. I can optimize the time I have now.
  • Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice. Breathing, singing. I can’t go back in time to convince twelve-year-old-me that a beautiful singing voice is something you have to work at, not something you’re just gifted with, but I can improve now.

It’s made an enormous impact on my day to day life, not just in my creative endeavors but in how I conduct myself in lots of other ways.  I know that this is probably not something I will be able to do every day of my life – I’m way too neurotic and angsty not to have these issues crop up again – but it’s something that I am working on doing.

And as with everything else that I’ve been practicing lately, I am getting better.

maybe you should just drink a lot less coffee.

So yesterday I drove for two hours total for about five seconds in front of a camera.

Worth it? Logically, probably not: it’s a lot of gas to waste on something that basically ended up being a modeling job (and I am NOT a model by any stretch of the imagination – if you want someone that will make your product or clothes look good or sexy, you will not be looking for tiny slightly-chubby oddly-proportioned 1-900-OK-FACE‘d me) that I don’t have a chance at.

For the sense of accomplishment that I got for actually doing it?  Yes, absolutely. The last time I had an audition like this I got lost, chickened out(/panicked), and didn’t even call to say I wasn’t coming.  This time I made it and I didn’t chicken out even when the casting director (? maybe?) yelled at me for not having a headshot.

On the other hand, this means I definitely have to get some headshots soon.

so, what happens now?

HELLO, THE INTERNET!!!!

Long time, no write (and I feel as though I start off so many of my posts like this), and for that I am sorry!  I hope you all have been keeping well while I waste a lot of my time on tumblr!

So, let’s see! A bunch of things have happened since I last wrote:

  • I finished up my fourth semester at school (fifth if you count summer classes last year)!
  • I’m trying to figure out where to go from here, education-wise, which might end up in another post.
  • I haven’t auditioned for anything, because I am lazy/scared/ashamed of how long it’s been since I’ve been out of the game (so to speak).
  • Two laptops died on me :( but I got a lovely new one!
  • I got new headshots done, but they were terrible, so now I’m back to using a arms-length selfie as a headshot. YIKES.
  • I moved out! because:
  • Maestro asked me to marry him! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ (Link is to a gushy post on my personal tumblr, so if you’re into gushy personal posts: there it is!)

So I suppose I have been kind of busy, but it doesn’t mean that I’m letting myself off the hook. I actually have an audition tomorrow (what! yikes!), I’ve been taking singing lessons weekly for the past few months and I’ve yet to write about what a transformative experience it’s been to work with someone who cares about teaching me technique and theory and explaining the Why Is My Voice Doing This things I’ve always wondered about, Maestro and I have been working out a setlist (!!!) and he’s been teaching me guitar, and I have a couple more auditions coming up toward the end of the summer.

So there’s lots coming up here on The Acting Ingenue!  I do think my next trick will be to complete the “look” revamp of  my acting-related internet presence. I really ought to doodle something for a header on this blog (and maybe youtube and twitter and things like that).  Any ideas for that, dear readers?

a little bit of early Christmas cheer!

I never posted anything from last year’s Secret Government Eggo Project; I don’t remember why I didn’t.  I’m sure it had to do with  my many and varied insecurities; I just didn’t want to put myself out there last year.  Sometimes it’s just disheartening to be met with a resounding “meh”, you know what I mean?

This year, in the interests of Doing It Anyway (sort of my motto for the past few months), I’d love to share with you some of last year’s Secret Government Eggo Project II: Electric Boogaloo err…a (mostly) Disney Christmas!  We also did covers of “That’s How You Know” from Enchanted, “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” from Cinderella, “When Somebody Loved Me” from Toy Story 2, “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid, and Vienna Teng’s “The Last Snowfall.”  These three are my favorite performances; Maestro joins me on “I See The Light” as Eugene. :)

(Here’s a link to my Bandcamp site, where you’ll also find 2011’s Secret Government Eggo Project.  Hopefully before too long this year’s Secret Government Eggo Project III: THE RECKONING will also be up!)

I hope your holiday season has been joyous and not too stressful so far, my dear darlings!  If you get the chance to listen, please let me know what you think!

I can be whoever I want to be!

I was hoping to have some good news within the next few days, and it turns out…I do!

I actually did make it into the top ten for the singing competition!!

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I am so ridiculously thrilled, everyone!! :D  I can’t even really express!

Of course, this means I need to pick a new song – and I need to get working on it! The benefit is November 9th, so I have plenty of time.

I have a few other things in the works right now (some of which I really actually can’t talk about rather than just me being paranoid), but I needed to let everyone know about this – I’m so excited, I can’t believe it!!!!

vlog: exciting audition times!!

“…like a NERD.”

As before, I’m at both vimeo and youtube, whichever is more your viewing pleasure. :D

So, like I talked about in the video, I had an audition yesterday!

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audition prep 2013: an ongoing adventure!

pink is for dramatic, orange is for seriocomic, green is for comic.

I want to make sure that I mention that Objective: Audition Prep 2013 wasn’t just to prepare for that one audition.  It’s going to be an ongoing process.

I’ve either read, or had someone tell me once, that if you want to be an actor auditioning is your job.  The emphasis was on that there are so many factors that go into whether you get cast in something or not (your hair, your face, your prospective costar’s height, the fact that the costume will only fit a size double-zero, and on and on ad infinitum) that you can’t think of the part after you get cast as being your job. The only thing you have control over is your audition.  The audition is your actual job.

I’ve been lazy with this, of course.  I hate memorizing monologues if I’m not actually going to be performing them.  But that’s just it – the audition IS a performance.  I am guilty of thinking of auditions as only auditions, but another piece of advice I’ve been given (or read?) is that every audition is like a two-minute one-person show where you can show off exactly what and how you want to – and you should.

To that end, part of what I’m going to be using my brand-new vlog for is to have an excuse to perform my audition material!  (All the credit goes to my BFF D for this brilliant idea.) Monologues, mostly, but maybe eventually songs as well.  Not only will I familiarize myself with more monologues this way, I’ll have a reason to learn them to begin with.  Learn them, and polish them into something worth recording.  I’m feeling pretty enthusiastic about this idea!

In other news, I spent a few hours this afternoon hunting down film auditions (mostly student film) and sending off resumes and headshots.  I’m really hoping to hear back from some of them, simply because I would love to have some kind of demo reel up online as well.  It’s a huge part of getting cast nowadays, and I have literally nothing, since all my work has been stage work.  Fingers crossed!!