eyes of glass and feet of stone.

Things I did these past couple weeks:

  • Submitted for a bunch of stuff I am sure I won’t get
  • Including a recorded video of me singing
  • Had a minor (?) meltdown about what I look like (again)
  • Realized that’s probably why I haven’t recorded any more vlogs
  • Realized you all probably don’t want to hear about my body image issues for the umpteenth time
  • Refrained from posting about that
  • Thought about it again
  • Decided I really should make a post about it for real at some point as it does inform a lot of what I write about here (and also my various dysfunctions when it comes to acting/etc)
  • Got halfway through writing this (bullet point list) post and gave up
  • Had another audition

I’m kind of at a loss about this and don’t feel super-equipped to talk about it at the moment. But here I am posting about it anyway because it’s been so long since my last post!

On the other hand, I was informed that I got the part that I auditioned for a couple weeks ago! The character is described as something like “a girl next door, or a femme fatale. You know, depending.”  (Which I love, obviously!) The nature of the project means that I might actually get to share that with you – stay tuned to hear more about that!

but together, you and I will laugh at last night someday.

No news is not good news, y’all.

No news is just no news.

I’ve actually really enjoyed auditioning for the last handful of things I’ve auditioned for (redundancy, thy name is the Acting Ingenue). The people I’ve auditioned for have been helpful and kind and upbeat and informative, and the auditions themselves have been relatively quick and painless. (With the exception for the one where I waited 3+ hours because it was a call for both Equity and non-Equity. They were still very kind! And the audition itself was very quick! I just have my doubts as to whether or not they even heard me at all after that amount of time listening to people sing. I know by then I was just hungry and tired, not even really nervous anymore, I can’t imagine how they felt.) I’ve felt positive about every one of them, and had my positive feelings reinforced by the feedback I received.

But it still stings when you don’t hear back.  There’s at least two of them that I was told I’ll hear back either way – if I got it or if I didn’t – but I’ve heard nothing so far and that’s still disheartening.

Dear casting directors of the world: even a form letter, I swear, would go a long way.

In any case, because I booked myself so busy for the past couple of weeks I don’t have a ton coming up this week or next (since I didn’t put as much time or effort in to looking for new things), though I do have a couple of things coming up.

Things I would like to keep in mind going forward:

  • don’t lose momentum!
  • I need to audition for more musicals!
  • and maybe choirs or choruses or something?
  • HEADSHOTS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I NEED REAL HEADSHOTS.
  • (which means I need to decide on what to do with my hair)
  • practice practice practice practice practice!
  • if it’s important enough you’ll find a way to keep moving forward.

And with that, the Acting Ingenue, signing off!!

every cadenza delights, every cadence floats.

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So you know, other than the fact that I’m a ridiculous and sometimes embarrassing human being, that audition went well.

I have a feeling I won’t know how that went unless I get it, which is fine!  I think it went okay – the character had changed since I last auditioned, I got to find out what the actual project is, etc etc.

I got through my recorded audition and my Skype audition as well (my laptop does not have a webcam, but I do apparently have a Skype account if you were wondering!). It was my first Skype audition and only my second recorded audition, which – blehhhh, I really hate recorded auditions but that could be because

  • I hate watching my face
  • I hate monologues/not having anyone to read off of
  • I really don’t think I come across well on camera facewise (I FEEL LIKE THIS MAY BE A PROBLEM?)
  • Since I can watch it back over I start analyzing and overanalyzing and wondering “well wait a minute maybe I can’t actually act at all?”
  • related to that, if I’m not pleased with a recording I do it over and over until maybe it actually IS terrible but I can’t actually tell anymore?
  • also, my face.

Anyway.  (It’s amazing how quickly I can go from “wow look at me go! I’m doing things I’m afraid of even though I’m afraid!” to “wow I am a troll, why does anyone let me out of the house?”)

So this week, I have a singing lesson today and then an audition on Thursday.  It’ll be my first audition with any kind of singing in…quite some time, actually, so Maestro has been kind enough to help me run my two cuts of sixteen bars into the ground.  (The neighbors are confused, I’m sure.) Someday soon I should make a post (or gasp! a video!) about my new singing teacher and how much I am learning in and enjoying lessons nowadays!

Life’s pretty good here at Chez Acting Ingenue (well, Chez Muse and Maestro, unless this blog is my house?) and I can’t really ask for anything more.

Sending out love and encouragement and happiness to you all, since I seem to have an excess of it at the moment! ^^;;;

monovlog: Shelby (Temporary Heroes by David-Matthew Barnes)

(blah blah vimeo blah youtube blah.)

The first installment of my monovlog!  A piece from Temporary Heroes by David-Matthew Barnes; as such, none of these words belong to me.

Continue reading

the acting ingenue: vlog style!

[vimeo https://vimeo.com/74757002]

“…because apparently the people who make these decisions are robots.”

my very first video blog!

I talk about the Big Audition that I’ve been blogging about for a week, how I’m picking myself back up after my nerves, and why it’s okay to be scared.

There’s a lot of rambling in this, I definitely could have stayed on-point a little better, people walk by my window and you can actually literally see me blush in embarrassment, but I wanted to do this and get it up today, specifically.

I’ll be at both vimeo and youtube, whichever is more your viewing pleasure. :D

And now I’m going to run away and ignore the internet for a while.

audition prep 2013: day five! (and four!)

I’m going to confess, I took most of yesterday off from audition prepping.  I know what you’re thinking: SLACKER!  And you’re right. I spent most of yesterday cozied up watching The X-Files with Maestro.  Which was lovely, but doesn’t really help with preparing for auditions other than studying what Gillian Anderson can do with her face.

So today I thought to remedy that!  I’m sure I’ve mentioned here that I have singing anxiety (no, really?) and I feel as though I get most of my practicing done in the car where no-one can hear me.  I’ve actually made a bit of progress in that regard – I can practice at home as long as there’s no one else in the house!  Err, that might not sound like progress, but what if the neighbors hear me??

Today, not only did I practice while there were people in the house – I also recorded my practice!  I deleted it immediately after, but it was huge for me.  For one thing, it’s hard to hear how you actually sound when you’re inside your head, so that was helpful.  But also, I’ve been toying with the idea of doing some kind of vlog, and I thought getting used to the idea of being recorded while I sing (or whatever) would be a good idea.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of video-recording it, which is why I ended up deleting it immediately afterwards, and now I’m angsting about my appearance.  Perhaaaaps I ought to have forgone that until after my audition on Monday, because now I’m all too aware of how I look while I sing and what I look like on camera (aka what I look like to other people) and I’m…not happy about it, to say the least. :\

I’ve been trying to be better about not indulging my insecurities lately – I’ve wondered if part of the reason I’ve become so insecure is because I’ve been indulging it at every opportunity, voicing it and and not even really trying to fight against it.  But today all I want to do is whine about how I’m not at all pretty from most angles and I have a terrible nose and no jawline and why am I even bothering I’m nowhere near pretty or thin enough to make it in any capacity wah wah wah wah WAHHH.

So even though I just indulged my insecurities, to try and counteract that, I’m going to also mention that I sounded pretty great singing “In My Own Little Corner.”  I feel as though I’m getting a ton more control over my voice.  It used to be that I would sound exactly how I wished sometimes and then other times I would sound like a rusty hinge and I wouldn’t even know why – I had no real technique or control over my voice.  Nowadays, I feel as though I’m getting a lot more, my vibrato isn’t as wide, and in general my musicality has gotten better.

So there’s the silver lining!  Maybe if I get over myself I’ll actually post some kind of audio or video later. Maybe.

could we begin again?

I actually do have a big audition tomorrow afternoon but I (obviously) haven’t written anything about it. I’ve been feeling very…internal, lately. Private. Not wanting to share. Other synonyms.

I had to learn two monologues – or I suppose, more accurately, relearn them – and today I went out and got my headshots printed and have to play elementary school art class later to paste my resumes to the backs of them. This auditioning thing is expensive, really, considering I’m going to be taking the train in tomorrow too!

I suppose I should be excited for tomorrow, or at the very least nervous, but right now I just feel kind of tired and not even the slightest bit optimistic. It could be that it’s Sunday – for whatever reason, Sundays lately have been uniformly awful for me – but I don’t really see this audition working out for me. I guess going in with low expectations means that I won’t be disappointed, but I wish I could work up some enthusiasm!

I might have more to write tonight or even tomorrow morning before I leave, but for now I’ll leave it here.