>daily tarot for January 23 2010:
“The Ten of Chalices card suggests that my power today lies in completion. I celebrate and am grateful for captured moments of simple perfection. Satisfying my hearts desire connects me by example to love, beauty, pleasure, and happiness in those around me and gives me confidence to take it to the next level. “”We made it.”” Unconditional love makes a family and home is where the heart is, so at last, I am never alone. I am empowered by gratitude and my gift is emotional fulfillment.”
As sad as it is that we only had one weekend of shows, it made for some very apt Facebook status updates: “One midnight gone!” “Two midnights gone!” “The third midnight is near!”
I meant to write after one of the first two shows, but between getting in after one in the morning both nights, having to put my hair in rollers and then take it out and pin it up to fit under my wig cap, and having to bake three dozen cookies for the concession stand, I really only had a few minutes to spare. I ended up starting an entry but it doesn’t make any sense now that the show is over.
In general, the show went really, really well. I am so incredibly lucky to have been able to play a part I always wanted to play with a cast full of talented, welcoming, kind people. I’d done one show with this group before, but it was so lovely to be welcomed back with open arms. Especially since I hadn’t done a show with them in over a year, the reason being my then-upcoming nuptials.
I still felt like that weird girl in the corner, but…less so than usual.
(And really, I guess that’s okay for getting into this particular character.)
For a while, it seemed like the show was cursed. In the space of a few months, we lost a Jack, a music director, a Snow White and a Cinderella. What we gained in spite of those losses was that much better for having been hard-won.
The shows were full of magnificent energy. Saturday night was our best night (and predictably, they filmed today and Friday), full of enthusiasm and confidence from a well-played show the night before. Friday was a bit nervous, all things considered, and today was a very emotional performance for a number of reasons – not the least that it was closing night!
I wish I could say I did the best job that I know how to do, but I don’t know that I did. I let my nerves and my fear get hold of me and keep me from singing the way I wanted to. I wasn’t terrible, but I wasn’t great, either. My low notes were very shaky and any confidence I had in the higher register faltered as soon as I started hearing my notes being played…I’m not a musician, I’m not a singer, and I don’t pretend to be. I’m not saying that I let anyone down, other than myself. But then, I am always my own worst critic.
On reflection, I am incredibly glad that I didn’t take over for Cinderella. Our Cinderella – she’s a singer. She is someone with excellent musical intuition, a good sense of pitch, and a nice “clear” voice. (I don’t know that there’s another way to put that – it’s light, and steady, and not overly ornamented, which are all things I aspire to.) I can’t imagine doing a better job than she did, and I would have been killing myself trying to get up to par. (And I probably never would have.) Our entire cast was just…well-cast, really, and immensely inspiring to watch working.
All in all, it was a good show to get back in the swing of things. There are a couple of auditions coming up fairly soon that I am looking into…hopefully I’ll be able to post about those soon. That, and preparing for school auditions!