but together, you and I will laugh at last night someday.

No news is not good news, y’all.

No news is just no news.

I’ve actually really enjoyed auditioning for the last handful of things I’ve auditioned for (redundancy, thy name is the Acting Ingenue). The people I’ve auditioned for have been helpful and kind and upbeat and informative, and the auditions themselves have been relatively quick and painless. (With the exception for the one where I waited 3+ hours because it was a call for both Equity and non-Equity. They were still very kind! And the audition itself was very quick! I just have my doubts as to whether or not they even heard me at all after that amount of time listening to people sing. I know by then I was just hungry and tired, not even really nervous anymore, I can’t imagine how they felt.) I’ve felt positive about every one of them, and had my positive feelings reinforced by the feedback I received.

But it still stings when you don’t hear back.  There’s at least two of them that I was told I’ll hear back either way – if I got it or if I didn’t – but I’ve heard nothing so far and that’s still disheartening.

Dear casting directors of the world: even a form letter, I swear, would go a long way.

In any case, because I booked myself so busy for the past couple of weeks I don’t have a ton coming up this week or next (since I didn’t put as much time or effort in to looking for new things), though I do have a couple of things coming up.

Things I would like to keep in mind going forward:

  • don’t lose momentum!
  • I need to audition for more musicals!
  • and maybe choirs or choruses or something?
  • HEADSHOTS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I NEED REAL HEADSHOTS.
  • (which means I need to decide on what to do with my hair)
  • practice practice practice practice practice!
  • if it’s important enough you’ll find a way to keep moving forward.

And with that, the Acting Ingenue, signing off!!

every cadenza delights, every cadence floats.

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So you know, other than the fact that I’m a ridiculous and sometimes embarrassing human being, that audition went well.

I have a feeling I won’t know how that went unless I get it, which is fine!  I think it went okay – the character had changed since I last auditioned, I got to find out what the actual project is, etc etc.

I got through my recorded audition and my Skype audition as well (my laptop does not have a webcam, but I do apparently have a Skype account if you were wondering!). It was my first Skype audition and only my second recorded audition, which – blehhhh, I really hate recorded auditions but that could be because

  • I hate watching my face
  • I hate monologues/not having anyone to read off of
  • I really don’t think I come across well on camera facewise (I FEEL LIKE THIS MAY BE A PROBLEM?)
  • Since I can watch it back over I start analyzing and overanalyzing and wondering “well wait a minute maybe I can’t actually act at all?”
  • related to that, if I’m not pleased with a recording I do it over and over until maybe it actually IS terrible but I can’t actually tell anymore?
  • also, my face.

Anyway.  (It’s amazing how quickly I can go from “wow look at me go! I’m doing things I’m afraid of even though I’m afraid!” to “wow I am a troll, why does anyone let me out of the house?”)

So this week, I have a singing lesson today and then an audition on Thursday.  It’ll be my first audition with any kind of singing in…quite some time, actually, so Maestro has been kind enough to help me run my two cuts of sixteen bars into the ground.  (The neighbors are confused, I’m sure.) Someday soon I should make a post (or gasp! a video!) about my new singing teacher and how much I am learning in and enjoying lessons nowadays!

Life’s pretty good here at Chez Acting Ingenue (well, Chez Muse and Maestro, unless this blog is my house?) and I can’t really ask for anything more.

Sending out love and encouragement and happiness to you all, since I seem to have an excess of it at the moment! ^^;;;

will wonders never cease?

Okay, so! I spoke too soon! Posted too soon!  You know what I mean!

I did actually get called back for the thing that I thought I hadn’t gotten called back for! (…I’m an actress, not an English teacher, what do you want from me? Correct sentence structure?)  I just found out earlier today, so: YAY!!!

It’s actually going to be kind of a busy week or so for me –

  • The callback for that (on Friday)
  • Video audition (to record & send out this week)
  • Skype audition (have to schedule, but probably this week) (…do I even have Skype? does this laptop have a webcam???)
  • Another fairly big audition (next week; singing involved, ahh!)

I feel like there’s something else I’m forgetting but I’m forgetting it so clearly I don’t remember.

It’s nice to feel motivated and as though my motivation is actually gaining momentum.  Not that I expect anything out of these auditions (I never expect anything, let’s be real), but it doesn’t feel completely hopeless.

I guess Maestro was right: “you need to not care so much.”  Not in that I shouldn’t have passion, not that I shouldn’t be invested. Obviously I should feel those things, but caring about things like – am I too fat to audition for this, shouldn’t I have a proper headshot and a real haircut, I’m not a ~sexy~ girl I can’t audition for that, I can’t sing I shouldn’t audition for these things. And on and on and on.

Maybe all those things are true. Who cares? Let them decide. I can’t make up their minds for them.

getting so much better all the time.

Eh.

Well, I put off updating for a bit because I actually had a (I thought) quite successful audition a little over a week ago, and was hoping to hear back from them. It doesn’t look likely, though – and may I add that I just hate that trend? Maybe that’s been the case all along for auditions, but nowadays that seems to happen for “regular” job interviews, as well.  I understand that it’s uncomfortable and time consuming, but even a form letter would be nice.

I dream of a day one would get some kind of constructive criticism or feedback from every job interview or audition, but I realize that’s a pipe dream.

Anyway. I never heard back from them, which bummed me out. And it’s still kind of bumming me out!  I will not lie to you! I thought I was a pretty good fit for what they wanted, but someone else must have been better.

One of the things that’s dawned on me lately is the futility of angsting over anything that I can’t change or do anything about. I can’t change my bone structure or my height. I can’t control how other people feel about me or perceive me. I can’t control whether I get a gig or not. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t start taking singing lessons until I was past twenty; I can’t change the fact that my first voice teacher wasn’t really teaching me so much as giving me an opportunity to sing. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t study music earlier in my life. Instead, what I have endeavored to do is:

  • Go for a run or do some yoga. I can change how active I am and how comfortable I am in my body.
  • Study the music theory that Maestro has given me, or practice the guitar. I can progress from where I am now, even though I can’t go back in time.
  • Look for new opportunities and submit for them. I can optimize the time I have now.
  • Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice. Breathing, singing. I can’t go back in time to convince twelve-year-old-me that a beautiful singing voice is something you have to work at, not something you’re just gifted with, but I can improve now.

It’s made an enormous impact on my day to day life, not just in my creative endeavors but in how I conduct myself in lots of other ways.  I know that this is probably not something I will be able to do every day of my life – I’m way too neurotic and angsty not to have these issues crop up again – but it’s something that I am working on doing.

And as with everything else that I’ve been practicing lately, I am getting better.