The first installment of my monovlog! A piece from Temporary Heroes by David-Matthew Barnes; as such, none of these words belong to me.
So, this was a lot harder than I thought it would be! A LOT harder. As in, I still don’t even know if this is any good; I just wanted to get this project started and I wanted to start it today.
I picked this monologue to do first because a) I had it memorized for an audition like two weeks ago and b) I picked it then because I could relate pretty directly to it. Most of the things Shelby says in this monologue are things that I have said or do say or have at least thought at one point.
Definitely part of the difficulty was that I was sitting here alone in my room, hyper-aware of the camera and the fact that putting it up online makes me extremely vulnerable. I’m trying to be good-vulnerable lately – putting myself out there is good-vulnerable – but it’s still so hard.
Secondly, and maybe oddly, I’ve always found it hardest to portray characters that are like myself, and I see Shelby (in this monologue at least) as being quite a bit like me. I find it hardest to project qualities I have (or at least believe myself to have), and I feel like I have to work in an odd, backwards, counter-intuitive way to feel as though I’m actually getting those qualities across. Often I feel as though it comes across as…trying too hard, I guess? Fake? Neither of which have any place in a good acting performance.
The first thirty or so tries were very – almost strident, I think (maybe someday I’ll edit together clips of “outtakes” so you can see what I decided against), and then I really sat and thought about how I would say this and why I would get to the point of saying something like this, and it came out tired and vulnerable and slightly heartbroken and still a little hopeful despite everything.
At least, I hope that all came across. I hope I get better at this as I go along.