Maybe more than anything else, this was the gift I got this year on my anniversary:
“I want to get you to the point that you’re singing. Everything, all the time…and not worrying about it.”
“Because that’s who you are.”
Without sounding too melodramatic (oh, who am I kidding), it changed how I’ve been thinking about myself lately. Because that’s who you are. Such a simple thing; a simple thing to say and a simple thing to mean. And he was right. I think that’s the part that really hit me. That is who I am. How did I get to this point, this wall that I’ve come up against again and again? How did I get to the point I’ve been at for years and years – how did it become fear that ruled over that impulse? Somehow, just hearing that put all my fears into an odd sort of perspective.
More than the keyboard and the singing lessons, hearing that from his mouth was the most important gift, most important push towards what he wants for me. And more importantly, what I’ve wanted for myself.
I’m going to be the person that I’m meant to be.
I’ve not updated this blog in over a year, unbelievably. Some things have changed, but my Maestro is my constant.
I’ve completed a year-plus of my degree with almost all As (one B+! boo!). I’ve been working as a librarian and teacher’s aide, which I’m enjoying a great deal. Maestro has been financing my singing lessons – up until now I’ve taken lessons in classical singing, which I’ve always loved. (And still do!) Over the past year, I’ve wished for more versatility in my vocal performance, and like an angel, Maestro has provided me with the opportunity to get just that. I’ve also picked up the guitar as a means to helping me to learn how music works a little better, though that seems to be slow going.
Certain conversations have been had recently, like the one I mentioned earlier in this post, that have changed how I’ve been thinking about how to proceed with my life. I realize how convoluted that sentence is, forgive me! I don’t want to get into any specifics or any real details yet.
Wish me luck. <3