standing in line with two hundred girls who are younger (& thinner!) than me.

So: I went! I did it! (I’m number 1, as evidenced in that top left picture.)

Because I have the sense of direction of a thumbtack, I somehow ended up in a totally different city than I needed to be to get on the train. Seriously, I’ve driven to that train station a frillion times, I don’t know how this happens to me other than the fact that I have the sense of direction of a thumbtack. I ended up being a half an hour out of my way and had to turn around to backtrack and finally get to the station I needed.

I have to thank the lady who sat down next to me on the Orange Line and talked at me (about her nails and her husband and people being rude on the train) for the ten minutes or so we shared a train – sincerely – I really needed the distraction. The nerves I lamented not feeling yesterday afternoon were in full force about an hour earlier than I even needed to wake up, and didn’t abate until I was finished.

Despite all that, I made it on time, and settled in for a forty-five minute wait until I was called. Seeing other people’s headshots, I sort of wish I’d done mine in color, but the reason I switched to black & white was because my hair is a different color now, so I probably still made the right decision.

The best part about these things is that everyone is just as nervous as I am so we can all joke about passing out Xanax to each other beforehand and whatnot.

The audition itself was short – two minutes, timed! – and I did a piece of Miranda’s from The Tempest, and a piece of Mabel Chiltern’s from An Ideal Husband (I managed to NOT call it The Importance of Being Earnest by some miracle). I managed to get through both of them without rushing too much in the two-minute time frame. (I had it timed down to a minute and fifty-fiveish seconds and I’m sure I was rushing because of audition nerves, but I was worried I’d go over time anyway.)

I know I’ve talked about this before, but I really dislike auditions where I have to perform monologues. I know it’s part of the game, and it’s one of the things I am actively working on as an actress, but I really dislike it. Part of the way for me to get over this is to be far more prepared, with a set of monologues on hand that I know fairly well and can bring up without a lot of re-memorization – which is what I’m working on – but also to go to more auditions that have that requirement. Not only will it be a good idea to get out and audition more, it will force me to become more comfortable with performing them and will force me to memorize more because I’ll need them.

Honestly, I have to admit that I’m proud of myself for even making it there. A little over a year ago, I would have panicked when I got lost – panicked and started crying and called and said I couldn’t make it and would have gone home. I seriously considered it when I realized how far away I was from where I had intended to go – I’d already started crying. But I pulled over and freaked out a little, then rechecked my GPS and rechecked my directions and went anyway. And I’m glad that I did.

Maybe nothing will come of this audition – honestly, I’m thinking probably that will be the case – but I can at least be glad that I went. I also have to send out special thanks to my support system – both the ones that read this blog and those that don’t – and an extra special thanks to PC for listening to/forcing me to recite my monologues and for playing arts & crafts with my headshots and resumes with me. <3

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