standing in line with two hundred girls who are younger (& thinner!) than me.

So: I went! I did it! (I’m number 1, as evidenced in that top left picture.)

Because I have the sense of direction of a thumbtack, I somehow ended up in a totally different city than I needed to be to get on the train. Seriously, I’ve driven to that train station a frillion times, I don’t know how this happens to me other than the fact that I have the sense of direction of a thumbtack. I ended up being a half an hour out of my way and had to turn around to backtrack and finally get to the station I needed.

I have to thank the lady who sat down next to me on the Orange Line and talked at me (about her nails and her husband and people being rude on the train) for the ten minutes or so we shared a train – sincerely – I really needed the distraction. The nerves I lamented not feeling yesterday afternoon were in full force about an hour earlier than I even needed to wake up, and didn’t abate until I was finished.

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could we begin again?

I actually do have a big audition tomorrow afternoon but I (obviously) haven’t written anything about it. I’ve been feeling very…internal, lately. Private. Not wanting to share. Other synonyms.

I had to learn two monologues – or I suppose, more accurately, relearn them – and today I went out and got my headshots printed and have to play elementary school art class later to paste my resumes to the backs of them. This auditioning thing is expensive, really, considering I’m going to be taking the train in tomorrow too!

I suppose I should be excited for tomorrow, or at the very least nervous, but right now I just feel kind of tired and not even the slightest bit optimistic. It could be that it’s Sunday – for whatever reason, Sundays lately have been uniformly awful for me – but I don’t really see this audition working out for me. I guess going in with low expectations means that I won’t be disappointed, but I wish I could work up some enthusiasm!

I might have more to write tonight or even tomorrow morning before I leave, but for now I’ll leave it here.