when the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even.

I have been deep, deep into self-loathing mode for the past couple of weeks, at least as far as singing (and acting, and Oh God What Am I Doing With My Life Someone Please Just Throw Me Off A Cliff So I Don’t Need To Make Decisions) goes. Which is why I haven’t been updating, despite the fact that yet more progress has been made on the Secret Government Eggo Project and the Christmas show goes up this weekend.

I figured no-one would want to hear about how yet another session went by where I started off with the highest of hopes but then plummeted back down into the valley of self-loathing and decided to call off the project entirely, only to have a fight with PC and decide not to abandon it after all. I figured no-one would want to hear yet again about how I loathe the sound of my own singing voice. And I’m probably right, so that’s the last of it (FOR NOW, she intoned ominously).

So! Progress actually HAS been made on the SGEP, and this week we’re looking to work almost every day to get my contributions (such as they are) all wrapped up. And then the magic of trying to make it sound good starts, a task that I do not envy. (Hahaha I lied about being done with the self-loathing.)

This weekend is the first weekend of the Christmas show – yay! We have dress rehearsal on Thursday and then the show starts again! I am looking forward to it, while also trying to keep an ear to the ground for anything that might be coming up soon. I am enjoying this – I mean, come on, I’m getting paid to play a teenaged Amy March at this point and sit around a beautiful historical house for a couple of hours in costume – but I look forward to getting to audition for things again, as well.

Oh, and someone contacted me about – essentially – doing photoshoots for a graphic novel, which might be interesting! I have to do a little bit of research and then also dig up my high-quality headshots to send along (as an “audition”). Note to self: remember to do that tonight. That might be fun, if I did get it!

Tonight, though, PC and I get down to business to defeat the huns to finish up the SGEP. I will stay positive! I will, I will!

shut your eyes and sing to me.

809334th verse, same as the first.

I probably don’t need to regale you all yet again with the tales of my low self-esteem and various Issues with my singing voice, but I’m going to force myself to do it anyway because maybe addressing some of these issues will help me sort them out.

…aaaand of course after I write that I immediately distract myself with something else. Good job there.

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you hear the door slam and realize there’s nowhere left to run.

And with that, the Halloween season is over, and my stint at my first paid acting job is up.

I am sad to see it go, though it is a different sadness than the sadness that comes after a weekend’s worth of performances. Having two or three months of rehearsal and then just a weekend of performance time is (I think) one of the injustices of community theatre. I understand why it happens – renting the space is always very expensive – but it seems such an awful lot of work and bonding only to not see those people again after just a weekend!

With a month-long run and not an awful lot of rehearsal time (and the fact that I’m always That Weird Girl in a cast & don’t like to go out drinking), there wasn’t as much bonding, and we did the show every five-ten minutes for four hours three nights a week, so I definitely feel like I got to perform a lot. And mainly isolated – only a couple of people had scenes with each other rather than monologues. So it was a very different experience! I enjoyed it, most definitely, and I will miss it – but I am also grateful for a short break!

Thankfully I’ll be returning to the same place to be a part of the Christmas show, so I won’t have to miss it for too long. That, and I am thrilled that I already have something professional lined up for the next season. I am pleased that our director liked me enough to want me to come back!

It looks like those rehearsals will start up next week, but it’s a similar rehearsal schedule as this last show (that is, minimal). Since the scene I’m in is from Little Women, I do have my sisters (hee!) to rehearse with, so that will be fun! The shows are shorter, and there aren’t as many of them – thank goodness, since I don’t want to miss the entire Christmas season like I did the Halloween season! – but it will definitely be fun, too!

Plus, now work must begin in earnest on our Secret Government Eggo Project if it’s to be ready for Christmas! <3