se tu m’ami, se tu sospiri.

I feel like it’s been a million years since my last voice lesson and frankly, I am thrilled beyond belief that I finally got back to them on Wednesday night! :D

I could definitely tell that I’d not been keeping on top of my vocal exercising and proper vocal technique because everything has felt strange, vocally, for the past week or so, and getting in to actually sing a proper Italian arietta and do proper vocal warm-ups really felt weird and like I had to force my voice out! However, because GG is awesome, she seems to always be able to find the thing that will “trick” my voice into doing things the right way – this time it was changing the consonant from an “F” to a “V” in my warm-ups. Somehow that made a HUGE difference as soon as I implemented it!

There was actually a lot of good that came out of that lesson but I can’t remember all of it – usually I take notes, but I relied on my new little voice recorder deal this time and it malfunctioned somehow so I didn’t get ANY of what I thought I recorded, which is funny because as soon as I turned the thing on I started to freeze up and freak out and I stopped being able to sing properly.

GG told me a story about how important it actually is to record and listen to our voices played back at us so that we can be objective about whether or not we’re performing our vocal technique properly. I mean, obviously you can often tell just by the way the sound feels in your head, but by listening to what your voice sounds like played back at you it’s sometimes easier to identify that something is off and then take the steps to correct it. It’s interesting, I’d never thought of it that way – mostly I saw listening to my own voice played back at me as the height of vanity, I’m not going to lie!

I’ve been recorded before (both just my voice and also videotaped) and only manage to watch or listen to those recordings about once through, stopping periodically to get up and run away (literally) because listening to myself gives me the heebie-jeebies. And then never again. I just can’t do it after forcing myself through it once. I remember PC telling me that one of the songs he and I recorded together was the #1 most-played track on his iPod/iTunes and I just sort of…shuddered. But I suppose I have to get over my revulsion if I’m ever going to improve?

In other news, rehearsals have still been going well. I have an audition on Sunday that I’m a little hesitant to talk about, and a couple other projects that I’m looking at beginning in the next couple of weeks, hopefully! :D /deliberately vague

a melody that’s calling your name.

(“Those Magic Changes” is my favorite song in the whole show, can you tell?)

So I’m into my first week of rehearsal at Grease, and…frankly there isn’t a lot to write about yet! It seems like a good group of people and a good cast, and really that’s all you can ask for at the beginning of a rehearsal process.

I do really love our director, though; I know I’ve said it before but she was my main reason for even wanting to do the show. I love that she cares to work with us on our character background, and not really in a touchy-feely way, she trusts us to make our choices. She works with us on movement and vocal modulation and interacting with our fellow cast members and it’s all stuff that I love in a director, because she doesn’t do it in a “first year theatre teacher” sort of way where we have to talk about our feelings and our motivations and how we use our own pain to motivate us. I’m intensely private in an emotional sense, so I do have reasons for making choices but I don’t always want to share why I do certain things the way I do them.

One of my weaknesses as an actor is using my body and gesture effectively and I like that she’s helping me get better at that, too. Sometimes I feel like everything I do physically onstage is “messy,” if that terminology makes any sense. I feel like I have little control over what my body does and everything is very fluid and not always done on purpose. Sometimes that is a conscious thing that I do but other times it’s just sloppiness on my part.

In other news, I haven’t had a voice lesson in a couple of weeks because GG was sick the last time I had a scheduled lesson and I already miss it SO much. It helps having rehearsals to attend (at least I have an outlet to sing!) but I can already feel myself getting vocally lazy and I need to practice more!

Along those same lines, I keep forgetting to buy my keyboard. PC helped me pick one out on Ebay but it’s probably gone by now so I’ll need to go looking again. Boo.

what’s that playing on the radio?

Ah, sometimes the Universe works in mysterious ways. I’m pretty sure I have a guardian angel and that (s)he is looking out for me, because things just generally turn out to have worked out for the best for me. In this case, the fact that I didn’t get cast as Sandy is actually a good thing, though I won’t go into why here. :)

Thank you, guardian angel, for managing to make my life exponentially less awkward!

Anyway! Last night was our first rehearsal for Grease, and I am pleased to say that the cast looks awesome. I really adore the director from the last time I worked with her, and that was a major reason why I came out to audition for the show at all (since, again, somehow I’ve managed 14 years in theatre without EVER having to do Grease mostly through not auditioning for it!). It was just a read-through, but the cast is great and it’s going to be a lot of fun.

…this doesn’t mean I’ve given up on looking for other auditions, though, so I might have more news soon! ♥

stranded at the drive-in. branded a fool.

So here is where I remind myself yet again that I sometimes actually have reasons for doing the things that I do and not all the things I do are bad or unhelpful. Sometimes I actually do things to protect myself and that’s good!

I heard about Grease casting last night, and…I was offered the role of Frenchy.

Now, I said a couple posts back that I would have liked to have been called back for Frenchy – which is true! it’s a great part! I just wasn’t expecting it (since I wasn’t called back for it, and I didn’t read for it at all) and now I’m trying to figure out if I want to do it or not.

I know a good deal of how I’m feeling right now (disappointed, confused) is that I got my heart set on playing Sandy, and that I kept telling people I’d been called back for Sandy. And here is where I finally make my decision:

It’s okay not to talk about what show or what part I’m auditioning for before I know the outcome.

At least, with people in real life. I don’t mind posting about it on the blog because I suppose this is yet another blog that I sort of use as therapy. But not talking to people in real life about what part or show I’m auditioning for, well, it saves a lot of embarrassment down the road. It might make me superstitious or whatnot, but at this point I’m not that worried about it.

Anyway! So, I’m not sure if I’m planning on doing the show or not at this point (rehearsals don’t start up for a while? not this weekend but next weekend), but at least I’ve learned that much about myself.

I really flipped over that grey cashmere sweater!

So…callbacks last night went well!

The biggest problem I saw while I was there is that they are sorely lacking in the male department. So…sending that request out into the universe. MALES. THEY NEED YOU.

I got to sing for both Sandy and Marty, but I only read for Marty once and then read for Sandy a bunch of times; I think my Sandy readings and singing went better than my Marty stuff. (It doesn’t help that I forgot that “Freddy, My Love ” is kind of low for me?) I felt really good about my readings in general, but I suppose compared to finding my break halfway through “Freddy, My Love” anything would be better! (Eeek!)

I had the bonus fun of seeing a couple of my Into the Woods castmates at auditions last night, including my “momma” (who was auditioning for Rizzo). I didn’t realize how much I missed them!

So hopefully we’ll hear something by Friday. I’m not sure what they’re planning on doing if they can’t get enough guys, but hopefully we’ll hear one way or the other.