I must become a lion-hearted girl.

knave of pentacles

daily tarot for 7/1:

The Knave of Pentacles card suggests that my power today lies in recognition. I am enthusiastic about, and take pride in, my newfound validation or potential and will use it as a motivator towards greater things. My asset is self-worth.

Last night, after work, I caught the Orange Line in to Boston. I was accosted by a bunch of Mormon boys in suits and ties and shiny shiny shoes (but only in the politest of ways, of course). (I chatted with one of them about classical music and that the fact that people expect you to know what should do with your life at eighteen is kind of silly.)

I made my way to Jordan Hall at the New England Conservatory with zero problems, which is unusual for me (Miss No-Sense-of-Direction). I was early so I went to Panera across the street and bought a bottle of water and tried very hard not to throw up. Auditions are scary, of course, but singing auditions are yet scarier, and singing for the co-chair of the New England Conservatory’s voice program to be placed into private lessons is doubleplusungood scary.

The biggest reason I’ve been looking for a new voice teacher is because I am afraid that I am damaging my voice by not learning the foundation work that I ought to. Normally I would tell myself that I ought to be happy with what I have and not upset MP. As well as my newfound ambition to take life by the horns & not have to worry about other people’s feelings ^^, I am afraid that I will damage my voice somehow because my technique is not what it should be.

I’ve been emailing back and forth with B – who, if you remember, is my former voice major friend who’s had years of private lessons (and a phenomenal voice, of course), who has been guiding me through this with grace and a lot of patience. Something that came up in those emails is the reason that I know I’m not singing properly all the time. I know because sometimes I do sing correctly – and anyone that’s sung in any sort of performing capacity before knows that it feels completely different when you’re singing properly – but the fact of the matter is that I don’t know how to break it down and figure out how I’m doing it so that I can do it properly all the time. It’s as if my voice is wandering off doing its own thing and sometimes it’s on the good side and sometimes it’s terrible. It’s about control and technique.

Also, there’s a part of me that believes that I am terrible and that no-one will tell me how terrible I am, and I thought auditioning for a voice teacher at a music school might make me feel better about that?

It turns out I didn’t have much to worry about, really. I listened to the lesson before me, a woman singing Un Bel Di from Madame Butterfly and I knew B was with me in spirit as that’s her favorite opera!

My audition was short; I sang Batti Batti and the woman I auditioned for (I should think up a code name for her and for my new voice teacher…I should think up better code names for everyone actually) immediately knew where to place me. She said I have a lovely voice (:D) and immediately pegged me as a coloratura (…:D?), that I had no problem with agility and that she had a teacher with a voice type similar to mine that I could work with.

She also could immediately tell that someone had been telling me to “sing forward” and that I wasn’t doing it right (too forward, not enough up) and showed me an exercise to help me place my voice better. I was not expecting that, but I am incredibly grateful!

EXCITEMENT. Now I need to figure out how to talk to MP about this.

daily horoscope, 7/1:

You’re all powered up and ready to take what you want – though nobody really thinks you’re stealing. It’s more like persuading, cajoling, and manipulating, but it should end up being win-win, so who’s counting?

Oh, LOL. Just LOL.

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