I’m taking my time, but I don’t know where.

Well, I really have been doing things other than making pie-in-the-sky plans and dutifully going to my weekly singing lesson, though I have to say my singing lessons are usually the highlight of my week (no matter how badly they go).

I’ve been at home almost an entire year now, and despite everything, not very much has changed in my circumstances. Because I am self-sabotaging in many ways, I haven’t been able to progress as far as I would have liked – would have hoped – okay, would have expected to in the last year or so. Self-sabotage due to low self-esteem, not the most productive of issues. It is ridiculously hard for me to work up the courage to audition for anything, never mind the idea of changing my life and lifestyle so decisively.

What it comes down to is that: I am safe here. I know I am. There is no risk involved in being an office drone. Even if I were to move out there is no risk involved. I am safe and coddled and stagnating and I hate it. My life is cold and sterile and the energy involved in putting any sort of effort in drains me ten times as much as it ought to; I have no room or energy for creativity in my life because my soul is being drained away.

So something needs to change, and the thing that needs to change is me.

First of all, I need to actually commit to losing weight and working out on a regular basis. Will I talk about that here? Sure won’t.

Among other things, I’ve started to ask around as to how one gets signed with an agent. I don’t actually know anyone in the business, but I know people who know people. Earlier this week I started sending out headshots and résumés to a bunch of casting agencies. I also put up a listing on one of the bigger actor search engines (for lack of a better term?) with a headshot and resume.

I already heard back from one of the casting agencies that I sent my headshot to, and it hasn’t even been a week yet. I have an appointment to go meet with someone in July, even. I may get there and it might be a total scam, but at least I’m putting one foot in front of the other. I need to keep sending out more headshots, but I suppose it’s a start, at least!



In other news, I’ve started mirroring my blog over at livejournal as well, so one can also find me there!

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