it’s a dangerous kind of sport, and yet it’s fun.

Yesterday I worked on
Both of my recital pieces!

Yesterday was focused on performing. And also remembering my lyrics.

(e le care tue manine
lieta poi saprò baciar)

All in all, the lesson went fairly well, especially considering how badly the last couple have gone. I don’t know why I have this mental block when it comes to Acting While I Sing but I definitely do, especially when it comes to singing operatically.

“You didn’t have a problem with the Jewel Song.”

“…well, no, once I had an audience in front of me I was fine.” Apparently she doesn’t remember the agonizing lessons before the recital where she would try to get me to emote while I sang (“it’s ‘comment n’être pas coquette?’ not ‘I’m just going to stand here and stare at you while I sing'”), shrinking further and further inside myself. It’s so awkward to act when a person is watching you, just one person, just a few people judging you. It’s different than acting for an audience, somehow.

It ties into the whole “I need this to be perfect” idea: techincal perfection is what I strive for (and don’t ever even get near). My mind is so occupied, so obsessed with Doing It Right that I have no room for anything else.

And then again: I completely surprised myself during my performance of the Jewel Song at that recital by being able to emote – I felt light and effervescent and it was as though I was watching from somewhere outside myself, thinking “where did that come from?”

(e le care tue manine
lieta poi saprò baciar)

I’m glad that I had at least one good lesson leading up to the recital. I feel slightly better about my life and my choices now.

In other news, PC and I are embarking upon a new project where I get to lie across a piano in a pretty dress and get paid for it. Actually, that was how I proposed the idea to him. L and I are also revisiting the idea of our as-yet imaginary band and actually writing a couple of original songs (scary!). My life is alive with the sound of music!

text-message theatre
j: Maybe if you work in a piano bar I can lie across your piano in a slinky dress and get paid for that.
pc: We could totally do that! You could do it as a side/weekend gig! I’m totally serious, too, I would be proud to be your accompaniment!
j: wait what, I just want to lie across the piano. I have to sing too?! :P
pc: I don’t think singers lay across pianos anymore…they realized all those sequins scuff up the finish. …and yes, you would have to sing.

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