the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam.

Today Yesterday I worked on:
Once Upon a Dream, from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty.

Oh goodness. It was so goodto finally get back to singing lessons. One of the worst things about not having a car was indeed not going to singing lessons. But more than that, I didn’t even get the chance to sing in the car (one of my guilty pleasures). And if I don’t sing at lessons, and I don’t sing in the car…I just don’t sing. In the car, no-one can hear your voice crack!

Of course, after not having the opportunity for someone to (figuratively) smack me on the wrist every time I make a goofy face while I’m singing (for almost two months!), I’m back to making goofy faces while I sing. :\ So that wasn’t as exciting. It’s good to have someone to tell me to Quit It when I do, though, which MP is good about.

So I worked on “Once Upon a Dream” from Sleeping Beauty today (not from Jekyll & Hyde, though I’ve worked on that one before, too – something about the intervals in that song give me hives when I try to sing it). She tried to get me to stay in character the entire time that I was singing and not look up at the ceiling the whole time.

We also chatted about my upcoming auditions and about the Royal Wedding (she’s very excited!). (About both, but she is British after all…) All in all, a good lesson!

…There are a lot of parentheses in this post!

to find where I belong.

You know, I’m starting to realize that it’s difficult for me to write this blog for a few reasons.

Reasons It Is Difficult For Me To Write This Blog
1. I have a very hard time being objective about myself.
2. I am incredibly superstitious.

Reason #2 is the reason I want to talk about today. I actually have a couple of different auditions coming up fairly soon, and the opportunity to go to many more, since I now have a vehicle again. However, I’m extremely hesitant to talk about either of them – what they’re for, what I’m planning on doing for either of them – because, I suppose, I am afraid of jinxing myself.

I’ve mentioned this before, that actors as a group are fairly superstitious (“the Scottish play”, the fact that every theatre has a ghost, before-show rituals that rival any professional athlete’s pre-game ritual). I think I go above and beyond in this measure: if acting talent were proportional to superstitiousness (which may not actually be a word), I would be Kate Winslet. I don’t like talking about what I’m auditioning for before I audition, I don’t like talking about what material I’m preparing for an audition even if it has nothing to do with what I’m auditioning for. Oftentimes, I don’t even tell the people in my life that I’m auditioning for something until after it’s over and done with. And honestly, I think that’s been the most difficult part of keeping up with this blog (being unable to get to auditions notwithstanding). The fact that I find it very difficult to talk about auditioning and preparing for auditions in turn makes it tricky for me to write about auditions even obliquely.

Though I wonder, has this really gotten me terribly far in the past? It’s not as though my superstitions are helping me to get jobs, so why do I hold on to them? I suppose it ties into the fact that if I don’t talk about the auditions before they happen, no-one will ask me how they went or if I got the part I auditioned for and I won’t have to be ashamed of myself.

Is that terrible? Is that cheating myself out of potential growth experiences? Is that me deciding not to own what I’m doing? I think maybe it is, a little bit. Maybe I ought to talk openly about auditions I’m planning on going to, psych myself out of the mystique they hold for me. Perhaps if I talk about them more often, they’ll become less scary. That, frankly, telling people that I didn’t get the part I auditioned for isn’t going to kill me. (Though sometimes it feels as though I might die of embarrassment…)

One of my auditions is for an acting academy in New York. They need to contact me to schedule the audition, but I need to have two monologues prepared. I’ve selected one of them but haven’t really decided on the other yet. Unfortunately, I don’t feel as though I can talk about the second one simply I’m not sure what their policy about blogging is like and I’d rather err on the side of caution (employment-wise and superstition-wise, interestingly!). That audition is coming up first; maybe I will end up writing a severely-edited version of events if I feel up to it.

On the plus side, I’ll at least have something to talk about a week from now: I’m starting singing lessons up again!

…have I ever mentioned how much I love parentheses?