>Today I was supposed to have a singing lesson with MP, but our new arrangement is that I’m supposed to go to her house. She lives in a particularly difficult to navigate town, and I have to drive through yet another particularly inaccessible town to even get there. Today, it’s about 5 degrees outside (and it was even colder last night), so my GPS wasn’t working. My phone has a GPS on it, but it’s not a great GPS and my phone was starting to die.
I started to panic as I drove into the first town, knowing as well as I know anything that I would get lost. I always get lost. I hate driving. I literally have no sense of direction, and can get lost trying to go places I’ve been many times before, never mind trying to navigate somewhere difficult. I started crying; I could barely see well enough to pull over into a parking lot. Once I’d calmed down enough, I sent MP an email – on my dying phone – telling her that I wouldn’t be able to make it today due to my brother’s birthday. (Which is true, but I could have made it home in plenty of time.) It was only an hour away from the time I should have been there, but I apologized for that.
She seemed very upset when she wrote back to me, and now I’m even more upset than I was. I know I put her out, and I think I will offer to pay for that lesson. Do I explain to her that I panicked on the way to her house and let her think I’m a basket case? Or do I not say anything except apologizing again, and let her think I’m a jerk? I would rather she not think I’m either of those things, if it’s all the same.
Maybe I need to find someone more accessible. I only agreed to going to her house because it was more convenient for her, and I tried to tell her before that it was inconvenient for me to get to and from her house (it took me two hours to get home! it usually takes me about forty-five minutes to and from the other place), but she convinced me that I should do it anyway. Because I am a doormat.
And there’s the other fact that I want to start taking this as seriously as possible, and I don’t know that MP cares to take me beyond where I am. Perhaps I haven’t expressed how seriously I want to take it, perhaps she doesn’t think I really have the potential…but she doesn’t. So I don’t know what I’m going to do.